Dear Diary
by GLEEKnessSite
Summary: Sometimes, when she cannot share her deepest emotions and thoughts with anybody else - or when she just needs to tell it one more time - her diary is her best confidante. Short fluffy drabbles/mini-fics. fourth one up - companion piece to 3x13, 'Heart'.
1. I Just Can't Stop Loving You

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. I'd love to...but the plotlines would probably then only center around Finchel and every other shipper would probably despise me for it...also I'd be terrible compared to RIB and the awesome work they're doing :)

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><p>"<em>Dear Diary," she wrote. "Today, I got engaged."<em>

Rachel stared at the sparkling diamond on her finger and thought back to that precious moment where nothing else had mattered to her. It had just been her and Finn, basking in the glory of being engaged. She didn't care what her classmates – or even the other glee-clubbers – would think. At that moment she had been prepared to brave it all: the slushy facials, name-calling, snickering and back-biting. All because she knew that Finn would be there, right beside her, and they would get through it all together. But when her dads had visited her at lunch break, carrying _that _letter from New York, she had suddenly been thrown into turmoil.

Almost crumpling onto her desk, Rachel added to her diary entry.

"_And today, I got accepted into the finals for NYADA."_

She was torn and completely lost. She loved Finn with all her heart and she knew he loved her too, but how would he take this news? He must know that she loved performing too. Her other 'true love' was Broadway; her other dream was to traipse that stage as Fanny, or Maria, or Elphaba. Would everything be ruined...or would it all fall into place?

Rachel sighed, tossed her diary back into the drawer and locked it. Climbing into bed, she propped herself up with her gold-star-printed pillows and looked down at her left hand. Turning it from side to side, she marveled at the way the soft light of her lamp bounced off the brilliant cut stone, and was almost lost in her daydream when her phone vibrated.

_Goodnight baby. Sweet dreams, I love you. Your fiancé, Finn. xx_

Reading the text sent a jolt of reality back through her. She had absolutely no idea what to do now. Could she ask him to join her in New York? Could she really ask Finn, a 'country boy' through and through, to just pick up and leave everything in Lima – his mom, Burt and Kurt, and the tire shop – just so she could follow her Broadway calling? Sure, he had said "I want to," the other day, but when it really came down to it, would he?

She picked up the phone again, and sent her reply.

_You too Finny. I love you so much. We need to talk about something tomorrow though... Your fiancée, Rachel xx_

Crossing her fingers that it wouldn't worry him, and that he had fallen asleep after sending his text, she replaced the phone on her nightstand and flicked the lamp's switch. Turning onto her side, she let a single tear roll down her cheek as she prayed for the strength to get both of them through this together. She needed him there for her every step of the way...she knew that now. She just hoped he could see that too. Perhaps she was being a little selfish, but she felt that without Finn, her life would only be a 'glass half-empty'. Finally, after an agonizing argument with herself, Rachel pulled back the covers and retrieved her diary from its hiding-place. Writing by the light of her faux-neon Barbra torch, she added a final touch to her entry.

"_And today, I realized that we _will _pull through; we _will_ make it together; we _will _get married and have beautiful children; we will _both_ have satisfying careers; and we _will_ be happy. You know why? Because we love each other, truly, madly, deeply. And because we're tethered."_

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><p><strong>AN: So...what did you think? Too fluffy? Not fluffy enough? Awful? Or bearable? Please let me know what you think by reviewing! Also, do you think I should persevere and continue with this fic every time something big happens to Finchel on the show? Or should I drop that idea and keep this as a oneshot? All constructive feedback is appreciated :)**

**Much love, Debbie xx**

**P.S. I don't have a beta, so I proofread that myself...apologies if you found any grammar mistakes or typos. Also, if you're a beta and you're interested in helping me out, I'd love it if you sent me a PM! Thanks!**


	2. I Don't Wanna Lose You

Disclaimer: I still don't own anything.

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><p><em>"Dear Diary," <em>began her next entry. _"Last night I finally got this weight off my shoulders. Kurt and Mercedes finally know!"_

Granted, they hadn't been particularly supportive at first - as soon as she heard Kurt's "SHUT UP!" and Mercedes' "Are you sure you're doing the right thing?", Rachel had felt something inside her sink. But she'd plucked up some courage regardless, and reassured her two fellow divas that yes, she _was_ sure and that nothing could change her mind about it. She loved him with all her heart, and ever since he'd proposed and she'd accepted, somehow this powerful feeling of love, of _passion_, within her had increased tenfold.

The three had spent the rest of the night talking in hushed tones about their dreams and plans, and somehow Mercedes was finally convinced - so much so, in fact, that she decided to sing one of her favorite Gloria Estefan numbers to Sam…even though she had unresolved issues with Shane.

_So _that _was what her confusion about Bella, Edward and Jacob was about_, Rachel and Kurt had chuckled inwardly.

Kurt, she was a little worried about, but she knew he'd come around - especially after she'd made that little dig about him and Blaine. He and Finn where somewhat brothers after all, and something in her told her that he would be supportive of both of them…at least to a certain point.

Rachel's last thought before drifting into slumberland was that she had indeed done the right thing; that her and Finn would make this engagement, and marriage, work; no matter what. As she'd reiterated to Mercedes and Kurt before: "His dreams are mine."

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><p>When they left in the morning, Rachel padded over to her drawer and pulled out the faithful diary once more.<p>

_"And last night, I realised how much Finn and I love each other. We will get married and have beautiful Hudson babies - after I win my first Tony - and we will love them just as much as we love each other. No matter what, we're going to make this work."_

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><p>Her fingers interlaced with Finn's and she leant into him as he lovingly draped an arm around her and caressed her arm and waist, proud to show everyone that she was his, and only his. Mercedes was killing this song, and just by looking at her and Sam, Rachel knew that somehow her fiasco would be resolved in due time. Mercedes just had to let true love take it's course…she just had to 'let love in' just like Rachel and Finn had.<p>

Suddenly Rachel felt Finn's warm breath against her ear whispering, "I love you, Rach. So, so much."

Those few words had the power to melt her into a puddle of mush, and as she gazed back into his beautiful eyes, Rachel thanked God that she and Finn had finally found each other. They'd had they're ups and downs to be sure (huge ones, at that), but all that time they had never given up on each other. She still remembered that just to win her back, he'd technically _given up Nationals_, and her heart beat even faster when she realized that he really would do anything for her - and she would for him too…except give up New York, that is.

Rachel clasped Finn's hand even tighter (if that was possible) and nuzzled into his shoulder, drinking in the scent of his cologne - which she'd told him was her favorite one - and processing the fact that perhaps in ten years or so, they might be doing the same thing in front of their fireplace, watching their little Hudsons play. She loved the thought of that.

"I love you too, Finn. More than you'll ever know," she whispered back huskily. He swallowed and turned to look at her, _that_ question in his eyes. She nodded almost imperceptibly, and half-winked at him. "My dads are away for the night. Come over after school?"

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><p>The next morning, a completely exhausted Rachel sunk into her sofa after Finn had gone, and added one last little note into the diary.<p>

_"I just had an amazing night with the love of my life…he makes me feel so special, and unique, and _loved_. I really could get used to this..."_

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><p><strong>AN: So, what do you think? I had to change the rating just because of that last bit…but are you still enjoying this? Please let me know by leaving a review! And thank you sooo much to those of you who've added this to alerts/favorites or already reviewed - that's what keeps me inspired and writing!**

**Just to let you know though, after the Regionals episode, the fic will go on hiatus just like the show (because I'm trying to stay true to canon and just writing these as companion pieces for the episodes)**

**Much love, GLEEKness xx**

**P.S. I'm on Twitter, as GLEEKness_Site - please follow me and give me some love there too :)**


	3. I Don't Wanna Lose You, Pt 2

Disclaimer: Please see first chapter…and I just realised I didn't post this message in the last chapter, so sorry about that :)

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><p>As she leant into Finn on the couch, watching <em>Funny Girl<em> for what was probably the third time that day, Rachel absentmindedly twirled the ring around her finger, unaware that Finn was gazing down at her hand with troubled eyes.

"Rach?" he asked, a little strained.

"Hmm?"

"Can we talk…about…you know…the whole marriage thing?"

"Finn!" she sat up straight and looked at him questioningly. "Are you getting cold feet? After all of this drama and me making you wait?"

"No, Rach! No! It's just that something Kurt said made me think a little bit about New York and everything…"

"Kurt?" Rachel interrupted. "What would he have to say about this?"

"He told me…he told me that I was a star too, Rach. That I was unique. And I thought that was kind of nice, you know? Until he said that me proposing to you was pretty much the same as giving up on myself."

While listening to this Rachel's face had undergone several transformations: hardness, to softness, and finally - anger.

"HE SAID WHAT?"

_Oh crap, _Finn thought, and he shut his eyes, bracing himself for the tsunami about to flow from Rachel's mouth.

"Finn, look at me! Listen to me." Her expression softened once again, and he opened one eye to check if it was safe. Clasping his hands tightly, Rachel sighed.

"Finn - we've been through so, so much together. I'm not about to sit here and accept that all of it was for nothing. I'm not going to be complacent and believe that Kurt's right about you giving up; 'cause you know, he's not. You're _not_ giving up on yourself Finn, and I'm not giving up on you; and you'd better darn well not be giving up on us either. Remember what I said that night after _West Side Story_? I meant it then, and I mean it now. Your dreams aren't dead Finn, you just have to find new ones. And we're going to figure it out together, alright? You and I, we're going to make this work, and we're going to show Kurt and everybody else that we can stick together through the thick and thin, and we'll grow together."

Finn gazed at his fiancee lovingly, and wondered how he'd ever been so lucky to win her back after everything that had happened last year.

Softly grazing his thumb against her cheek, he whispered, "What would I do without you, Rach?"

"Mmm I'm not sure, Finn," she teased, and gazing up at him lovingly.

"I love you so very much, Rach. You're right, we'll work it out. Baby steps, right?"

"Right, Finn. And you know what? I don't know what I'd do without you either. I love you too, Finn, more than you'll ever know."

The passionate kiss that followed drowned out anything else she might have said, and _Funny Girl_ was soon forgotten as Finn and Rachel attended to more important things.

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><p>That night, Rachel retrieved her diary just before slipping into bed.<p>

_"Dear Diary," _she wrote. _"Finn and I really laid ourselves bare today (not just metaphorically…) and we've decided we're going to figure everything out together. In baby steps, just like he said. We know now that we're not going to let other people and their opinions tear us apart or make us think twice. We'll turn only to each other, and we'll make this work. I know we will."_

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><p><strong>AN: So, this was a little companion piece I wrote for the last chapter, just for RachelGleek :) Hope you like it, please review! Reviews make me happy…and keep me writing!**

**Follow me on Twitter, FinchellyGLEEK , for updates and general gleekness :)**

**Much love,**

**Debbie xx**


	4. I Will Always Love You

**Disclaimer: **I don't own or write Glee, RIB do; if I did it'd be the Finchel Show, etc. etc.

**A/N**1: Sorry for the very very late update! I hope you understand though, since I had a bit of a writer's block and the Heart episode just had SO many cute Finchel moments! Enjoy!

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><p><em>"Dear Diary," she began. "I haven't written in a while since this past week has been <em>so_ eventful."_

Sitting back in against her pillows and chewing her pen - a habit she'd tried in vain to be rid of - Rachel reflected on her blissful _week_ of Valentines.

_"Finn _finally _started teaching me the drums on Monday! Though I can't say that I'm anywhere near as good as him, I seem to be doing very well. So well, in fact, that I'm not the only one getting turned on by my significant other's drumming…"_

She giggled quietly to herself at the memory of how much they'd teased each other in Glee that they'd fairly tackled one another as soon as they got a private moment.

_Three Days Earlier…_

"Rach," Finn whispered huskily. "If you keep grinding like that, I don't think we'll be able to get through this rehearsal."

Turning to face him and raising an eyebrow, she whispered back, "Really? Hmm, perhaps now you'll see what I mean by the aphrodisiacal qualities of percussion."

While saying this, she had somehow managed to sit further back into the seat and thus _him_, even more, causing his breathing to become raspier and his hands to drop the drumsticks as quickly and quietly as possible in order to grip her waist in a feeble attempt to stop her.

"Are you trying to tease me, Rachel Berry?" Finn smirked as she shivered from the sensation of his fingers running lightly over the thin fabric of her dress.

"Perhaps," she managed to choke out before Mr Schue called for attention.

Needless to say, neither Finn nor Rachel got much homework done that afternoon.

…_Present Time_

Shaking her head at how hormonal they both seemed to be lately – Finn even _more_ than usual after the engagement – Rachel picked up her pen once again.

"_We both got a huge surprise when Daddy and Papa came to visit on Tuesday though! I could swear that Finny and I both thought we were toast when they told us that they knew! I'm so glad they're behind us though. Kurt's wrong! So, SO wrong! Finny and I will grow together in New York, as a _married_ couple. And the more I think about it, the more I realize that what Finny said the other week is true – those rings will be like taking a piece of our little world into the big city."_

Rachel glanced down fondly at the sparkling diamonds and couldn't help but swell with love and emotion at the thought of settling down with Finn, _as husband and wife_. Snapping back into reality, she chuckled at the recollection of their next precious moment.

"_Honestly though, I don't understand why I get so turned on by Finny's drumming! I mean, while we were supposed to be supporting Artie in his bid to get Sugar, I was too preoccupied by my fiancé's skills on the drum kit and the fact that he must've _known_ I was so easily distracted, since he kept sending me his crooked half-smiles that have melted me so many times before…"_

They had been conspicuously absent from the cafeteria at recess that day, and somehow that had coincided with reports of strange noises coming from the direction of the parking lot, where incidentally, Finn's truck had been parked.

"_Enough of that. Obviously Finny must've still been on some kind of high after our recess escapade, since he did the most romantic thing he's done since the day I accepted his proposal, and paid the God Squad to sing to me at lunch! With a whole gospel choir too, and the band set up with amps and everything in the courtyard! The song seemed so fitting for us as well, since our hearts really _do_ beat for one another and we first found each other through music. Quinn was the 'last girl' who 'left a couple cracks', but we got ourselves through that and all of our other 'skipping tracks', and we've 'turned each other up' when we 'felt low'."_

Sighing as she leaned back into the comfort of her heart cushion, Rachel let each and every memory of hers and Finn's – from their very first auditorium 'date', to the 'I love you' at their first Regionals, to the incredibly painful period of time when they'd been apart, to their Nationals 'Superman of Kisses', to the engagement – play in her head, savoring both the sweetness and the bitterness, and allowing herself to be grateful for how far they'd come _together_. She played with the white gold band around her left ring finger, thanking God over and over again for letting her and Finn find each other. She knew that without him she'd probably still be the most overbearing, conceited and threatening bitch that she had been before Glee, with barely even one friend to call her own. But she also knew that without her, he might've still been forcing his way through an extremely unhappy, dishonest relationship with a girl who'd given birth to his best friend's child, and who had drummed it into his head that popularity was the only key to success.

It had never occurred to Rachel before Glee Club that she would be so different from what she had been, and looking at the past few days made her realize that even more. She and Finn had felt the tug at their tether quite often recently, and a fine case of that was when Rory had sung 'Home' to them and Rachel had subconsciously leant into Finn, and he'd lovingly looked down at her and the ring (something he'd begun to enjoy immensely) and grasped her hand, playing with her fingers as he always did.

She chuckled again when she thought of Mercedes' heartbreaking rendition of Whitney's seminal classic, because even though they had all shed tears, Rachel had once again taken advantage of her and Finn's sitting positions to tease him by lightly running her fingers over the inside of his leg, through his jeans, and she had had to bite her tongue to stop the fountain of laughter from bubbling over when she'd heard his breaths becoming shorter and more labored as she had ventured closer to the destination.

"_You tease,"_ he'd panted as he tickled her sides and held her in a vice-like grip against the cab as soon as they'd run to the privacy of his truck, not emerging for almost an hour.

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><p>"<em>I'm over the moon!" <em>Rachel excitedly scribbled down, after wallowing in the blissful memories of her and Finn's 'adventurous escapades of love-making', as she liked to call them._ "Daddy and Papa UNBELIEVABLY were actually going to let Finn stay the night – though I made it quite clear that there would be, ahem, no _monkey business_ with their presence mere meters away. I'm so, so happy that we managed to work our way through our first 'domestic tiff' too! I suppose we really do need to get used to each other more. Bad habits and all, we're going to be _married _– in May, no less! – and we both agreed that arguing over tiny things like the bathroom won't help us if we want our days in New York to be happy. And I know I shouldn't have said _anything_ about what Finny would be doing there either. I know I got caught up in the heat of the moment but I _did_ promise him that we'd figure it out together, and I know we will. I know he's destined to do something so very special, and of all people I shouldn't be the one making him feel so insignificant right now. I mean, even Kurt! – who I'm still furious at, by the way – told Finny that he was a star too."_

Shutting and locking her diary and flicking off the light switch, Rachel cast one last loving look at her ring, sparkling in the moonlight, and fell asleep with the knowledge that she was loved in the world, and that she had somehow been blessed enough to be the 'girl who got the brass ring'.

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><p><strong>AN2: **Soo…was it worth the wait? Sorry the end seems rushed…Please leave me a review and let me know what you thought!

Much love,

GLEEKness xx

(Twitter: FinchellyGleek; Tumblr: finchelly-gleek-ness)


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